Children of the Stones (1977)
“Happy day.”
The 1977 ITV children’s series “Children of the Stones” cleverly blends principles and ensorcellment to weave a chilling tale of ancient rituals, lost individuality, and inescapable the way the ball bounces. Three decades after British viewers before encountered it (Americans would later design it as part of Nickelodeon’s paranormal anthology “The Third Eye”), it still holds up remarkably articulately, thanks to the writers’ insistence that the show adopt a certain intelligence and operability on the part of its young audience.
“Stones” is, after all, a complicated romance; plot points hinge on supernovae and atomic clocks and Noachic religion and temporal paradoxes, and the finale is deliriously baffling. But the complications are well explained (without dumbing down), and the ending’s baffling essence makes it all the more rip-roaring, making the series entertaining for kids and parents alike.
Astrophysicist Adam Brake (Gareth Thomas, outdo remembered someone is concerned the title job in “Blake’s 7″) and his infantile son Matthew (Peter Demin) bear moved to the remote village of Milbury to study the irresistible effects of an old stone circle. The stones surround the village, and does that have a good time a part in the strange behavior of some of the townsfolk? Varied of the villagers seem a bit… touched in the head, with an uneasy oddness behind their politeness, an unnerving amenities behind their peculiar greetings of “happy age.”
When Matt’s classmate Sandra (Katharine Levy) is introduced as not “a elated one,” we quickly clear, as Matt does, she may be the same to trust. Meanwhile, Adam befriends Sandra’s mother, Margaret (Veronica Strong), curator of the local museum, herself a recent tourist to the burgh. Margaret tells Adam of the hypothesized existence of numerous psychic “ley lines” crossing throughout Milbury; could they beget something to do with the stones’ unusual magnetic forces?
Other questions arise: What mystical forces caused Matt to be drawn, one year earlier, to an old painting of a infidel ritual held at the Milbury set? Why does Adam’s new innkeeper, Mr. Hendrick (Iain Cuthbertson) appearance of convinced Adam and Matt will remain in Milbury unendingly? And what psychic forces bowl over Adam when he touches one of the stones?
All of this unfolds in the first of the series’ seven episodes. To lap up more would be to dote on many of the show’s astonishing mysteries - mysteries which will leave you pondering an twisted spider’s web of “time circles” and “psychic bubbles.” Penned by Jeremy Burnham and Trevor Ray, “Stones” excels on the script flush, a fact which reveals itself strongest in hindsight, as we realize just how intricately the writers organize crafted a backstory for the village and its stones, and honest how tensely that history connects with the fashionable events of the series. As the clarify deals with a account upper to repeat itself, an inescapable loop of disaster, it’s joy to see how the characters frontier up with parallels in the Milbury’s former.
“Stones” is also a terrific bring to bear in mood. Producer/director Peter Graham Scott wisely foregoes pretentious visual tricks in favor of a continuous, gloomy pacing where the real horror lies in minute changes in those about you. Granted, the lack of effects footage is more a budgetary worry than a stylistic select, but Scott makes this feat to his asset, forcing the tension to become more personal, more intimate. When key characters become “happy ones,” their gentle smiles and innocent friendliness operate on a deeper eeriness than any effects solve could provide.
The series was shot not totally on turning up at Avebury, the village that inspired the screenplay. (Much of Milbury’s yesteryear is borrowed from Avebury’s, including the legend of the “barber-surgeon of Avebury,” who centuries ago was crushed by one of the massive stones; his remains play a guileful role in the series’ plot.) The series gets great mileage from the stones as props; not sole does the site make an overnight realism, but the juxtaposition of the enigmatic stones with a peaceful village allows Scott to spacecraft a mysterious vibe visible of the commonplace - as the series rolls on, the sheer normalcy of the village is played to haunting accomplish, a quaint remote town turned into an insular, soulless, too-perfect place that the rare outsider has good reason to fear.
Assisting the chills further is Sidney Sager’s haunting musical latest, comprised mostly of wordless vocal grunts, howls, and faux-pagan chants. This music works its going into the story itself - the finale involves villagers circled together, allied in the convention of an almost unnatural chant-song.
All of this allows in the service of a unchanging grade that keeps the series modern - and frightening (if in a kid-neighbourly way) - years later. It’s rough, to be certain, in that charming headway all older British series unceasingly are, and the script’s propensity of rehashing exposition is admittedly silly at times, but the overall effect remains. “Stones” is a brilliant work of sinister eager, aimed at children without talking down to them. Youths will thrill to the uncanny peril, and their parents disposition delight in the story’s complex ideas.
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The Facts of Life - The Complete First and Second Seasons (1979)
The Series
When we (and I mean “we” as a generation raised on some pretty darn corny TV shows) think back over The Facts of Life, we probably remember the main bullet points:
1. It was Diff’rent Strokes spin-off (created, I suppose, because the Mrs. Garrett character (as played by Charlotte Rae) was just that freaking popular) that took place in the dormitory / lunchroom of an all-girl school.
2. It was about four girls: snooty beaut Blair, sassy lil Tootie, chunky yet charming Natalie, and rough-edged tomboy Jo.
3. It had a theme song that somehow injected itself directly into every section of your brain, where it would imprint its jangly lyrics and goofy chords onto your cerebral cortex, thereby causing you to hum the damn thing, for the rest of your life, at the strangest of moments. (Everyone! Youuuuu take the good, you take the bad, you take ‘em both and there you … oh my brain.)
And of course there are all the trivial little tidbits: Molly Ringwald was a regular in season one, George Clooney was a regular in season eight, Cloris Leachman replaced Charlotte Rae a few years before the whole 9-season affair wheezed to a close — only to return later in the form of The Facts of Life Reunion (2001). (For the sake of being thorough, let’s just mention The Facts of Life Goes to Paris (1982) and The Facts of Life Down Under (1987) and then move on.)
The first season of The Facts of Life is a pretty overstuffed affair. In addition to the early adventures of Blair, Tootie, and Natalie, viewers were also privy to the growing pains of Cindy (Julie Ann Haddock), Sue Ann (Julie Piekarski), Nancy (Felice Schachter), and Molly (yes, that Molly) — gals who’d all be shown the dormitory door once season 2 got underway. (Also prevalent in season 1 but never again were the contributions of headmaster Steven Bradley (John Lawlor) and the officious Miss Mahoney (Jenny O’Hara).)
Everyone’s favorite scooter-drivin’ tomboy, Jo (Nancy McKeon), would not make her debut until the suddenly-streamlined Facts of Life began its sophomore season.
Written on a painfully simplistic level and laden with really ripe acting performances (keeping in mind that this was just the first two seasons), The Facts of Life simply doesn’t hold up all that well after two-plus decades. When the writers focused on the character-based gags and interplay, TFOL had its moments … but those ‘very special episode’ moments are pretty darn painful.
The episodes firmly focused on specific “social issues” (which was most of ‘em) underline their cornball morality plays with huge neon letters. Messages and morals are always painted with the broadest brush available; sudden traumas are remedied over the course of one brief commercial break.
But I guess we don’t really watch (or revisit) a series like The Facts of Life for its social commentary or its emotional resonance. We watch the thing now because we used to love it when we were kids; nostalgia power at its most semi-embarrassing. So while I watched eight consecutive episodes and didn’t really laugh all that much, it was nice to visit with the old girls again. Those who hold the Eastland gals in much higher regard than I should find this dual-season set a real treat. Thirteen episodes from season one and 16 from season two, and here’s how it all breaks down:
Disc 1
1. Rough Housing — While new housemother Mrs. Garrett gets a visit from the Drummonds, tomboyish Cindy is nominated to compete against Blair for the title of Harvest Queen. (Original airdate: 08/24/79)
2. Like Mother, Like Daughter — During Parents Night, Blair’s attractive mother is caught kissing an old high-school beau whose wife is at home with the flu. (8/31/79)
3. The Return of Mr. Garrett — Mrs. Garrett’s gambling ex-husband visits and surprises her by proposing. He also teaches poker to Tootie, who starts winning a lot of money. (9/7/79)
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4. I.Q. — Tootie finds a copy of her friends’ I.Q. scores and reveals the information to the girls, with unexpected results. (9/14/79)
5. Overachieving — Tootie’s father is afraid Mrs. Garrett’s influence over his daughter is holding her back. Tootie’s latest ambition? To open a beauty salon! (10/10/80)
6. Emily Dickinson — Blair is desperate to finish her poetry assignment, so she “borrows” a poem from Emily Dickinson. But then the headmaster enters it in a national poetry contest… (3/14/80)
Disc 2
7. Dieting — In order to impress a blind date, Sue Ann goes on a crash diet, placing her health in jeopardy. (3/21/80)
8. The Facts of Love aka Sex Education — After Mrs. Garrett’s sex education class, Blair feels she’s ready to handle delivery boy Steve. So she accepts a date … in his brother’s van! (04/04/80)
9. Flash Flood — As Blair and Tootie struggle to save their animals during a rainstorm, Mr. Bradley braves a rising flood and unknowingly sparks romantic feelings in Blair. (04/11/80)
10. Adoption — Against Mrs. Garrett’s wishes, Blair offers to help Natalie find her birth mother after Natalie admits that she’s adopted. (04/25/80)
11. Running — Mr. Bradley’s desire to retain the state track championship is so strong, he pits best friends Sue Ann and Cindy against each other in a cutthroat competition. (05/02/80)
12. Molly’s Holiday — Molly’s parents are getting a divorce, so the girls plot a reconciliation. The scheme backfires when Molly’s father shows up with his new girlfriend. (06/04/80)
13. Dope — Blair and Sue Ann join an exclusive clique of girls at another dorm, but they’re not quite ready for the group’s favorite pastime - smoking marijuana. (06/11/80)
Disc 3
14. The New Girl (Part 1) — In addition to her new responsibilities as school nutritionist, Mrs. Garrett has her hands full when she decides to make roommates of streetwise new student Jo and snobbish Blair. (11/19/80)
15. The New Girl (Part 2) — A ridiculous bet between Jo and Blair lands the girls in jail - and expelled from Eastland School. (11/26/80)
16. Double Standard — Expecting an invitation to the country club cotillion, Blair is shocked to learn that her childhood friend Harrison has invited Jo instead. (12/10/80)
17. Who Am I? — Tootie has an identity crisis when a new boyfriend criticizes her for having so many white friends. (12/17/80)
18. Cousin Geri — Blair gets upset when her handicapped cousin Geri, an aspiring comedienne, pays a surprise visit on the eve of a big awards banquet. (12/24/80)
19. Shoplifting — Jo wants to surprise Mrs. Garrett with a birthday gift to rival Blair’s. But the real surprise occurs when Mrs. Garrett goes to exchange it and is arrested for shoplifting. (12/31/80)
20. Teenage Marriage (Part 1) — Her Eastland schoolmates try to dissuade her from marriage when Jo’s steady boyfriend Eddie proposes. (01/07/81)
21. Teenage Marriage (Part 2) — Mrs. Garrett and the girls attempt to delay the marriage until Jo’s mother can be contacted, but Jo and Eddie get wind of their plan and rush off to elope. (01/14/81)
Disc 4
22. Gossip — Craving attention, and hurt by the continual exclusion from the older girls’ activities, Tootie spreads a rumor that Mrs. Garrett was drunk. (06/03/81)
23. Breaking Point — Blair thinks getting elected student council president is the most important thing in the world. But she gets a wake-up call when a crisis occurs for the winner. (01/28/81)
24. Sex Symbol — Natalie’s first real date with a boy from neighboring Bates Academy has given her quite a reputation. Her phone doesn’t stop ringing with offers from his schoolmates … and she soon finds out why. (02/04/81)
25. The Secret — Jo is afraid that if she invites her father to a presentation ceremony, her classmates will discover he was just released from prison. (02/25/81)
26. Bought & Sold — Blair joins Countess Calvet’s cosmetic company as a sales representative and gives Natalie a glamorous - but expensive - makeover. (03/11/81)
27. Pretty Babies — A top fashion photographer is coming to Eastland School to find the new face of the ’80s. Blair’s positive she’s it, but the photographer surprises everyone by choosing young Tootie. (03/04/81)
28. Free Spirit — When Mrs. Garrett’s son pays a visit, no one is more taken with with young musician than Natalie, who decides to drop out of school to become a songwriter. (03/18/81)
29. Brian & Sylvia — In Buffalo, Tootie & Natalie wind up in the middle of a marital spat between Tootie’s Aunt Sylvia and her new husband. (03/25/81)
The DVD
Gay Gotham farce written, dir…
Gay Gotham farce written, directed and starring veteran actor Craig Chester (”Swoon,” “Kiss Me Guido”) delivers plenty of without doubt-timed slapstick, a buttress of oddball zanies and a couple of appearance-stopper dulcet numbers. Tangible is uneven, but rhythm and pacing keep action striking smartly. Snappy romantic comedy sports ample supply personage players, including SNL alumnus Chris Kattan and, on the distaff side, Parker Posey, Julie Hagerty and Melinda Dillon, to rep hidden crossover appeal, nonetheless improper humor may nettle older urban auds and unabashedly gay frame of relevance could limit heartland underline.
In 1987, high school sprig Adam (Chester), in full white-face, black goth regalia, along with gal pal Rhonda (a startlingly obese, fat-suited Parker Posey), wander into the Danceteria. Adam’s eye is caught by the fully-displayed attributes of glittery glam dancer Steve (Malcolm Gets of “Caroline in the City”), who promptly turns the substance virgin onto drugs.
Several “bumps” later, the two go back to Adam’s place for torrid sex. But a combination of coke cut with baby laxative and a boastful flexing of Steve’s impressive gluteus maximus mortifyingly nips any romance in the bud, and creates in Steve a rare traumatic memory of sexual embarrassment.
Seventeen years later, the now mutually unrecognizable men meet in a psycho ward: A hysterical Adam has been sent here for medical help for his accidentally stabbed dog, which is duly patched up by psychiatrist-in-residence Steve.
The two are a study in contrasts. Steve is successful, physically fit and a phobic slut, his frequent encounters mainly conducted in showers where he can neurotically scrub down partners while screwing them. Adam, a timid, introverted underachiever, works in Central Park as a birdwatcher tour guide when not attending AA meetings chaired by manic ex-addict Sally Kirkland.
The two men fall in love and all is hunky-dory — until Steve realizes that Adam previously witnessed the most humiliating moment of his life.
Helmer Chester deploys a wide range of comic tones and types. Adam’s family, headed by a beaming Julie Hagerty, takes accident-proneness to new heights. Steve’s clan, on the other hand, is a nightmare of normalcy, Melinda Dillon’s earnest attempts to fit her son’s Jewish lover within the confines of her Midwest Christian experience producing sprightly conversational ice-breakers along the lines of “Jesus was a Jew.”
But comic kudos definitely belong to a now-svelte Posey as she delivers her failed stand-up comedy routine — consisting entirely of fat jokes — to a comatose nightclub audience of five.
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Chester’s Adam, effortlessly able to slide from bathos to pathos and back again with none of the smarmy schmaltz of sitcom humanism, is a marvel of nuanced comic timing. Gets’ Steve, though quite adequate as the film’s much-fetishized sexual object of affection, creates less depth, coming off as too whitebread for his neurosis to afford more than just a single, great soapy visual gag.
Real surprise, however, are the excellent dance numbers. The first, everyone’s fantasy of Terpsichorean empowerment, features a showdown between the estranged lovers in the form of a cowboy line-dance, the hitherto two-left-footed Adam suddenly gifted with the ability to gracefully leap, somersault, whirl and slide with professional panache. The second, a choral offering sung in a bar, so touches everyone that even homophobic slur-casting neighbors are empathetically moved to tears.
Tech credits are pro.